a 1909 popular song words and music by Edward Laska
Sheet Music
Accompaniment
Lyrics
Chorus
Because I don’t like a man with a mustache
I don’t like a man who wears a beard
I’m not very fond of the Percy colored blond
And baldhead men I’ve always feared
I don’t like to spoon with a fat man
And old men are all such beastly bores
But there’s one, the worst of all that I object to
And that is a man who snores
Chorus
Well, now I don’t like a man with a cork leg
I don’t like them when their teeth are false
I don’t like them old and I never like them bold
In fact, as a class they’re full of faults
I don’t like the hug of a thin man
I don’t like a fellow very small
Though it’s better, people say
To love a short man
Than never to love a tall
Chorus
I’d never take Dr. Munyon or Jeffries
John Drew never made a hit with me
I like Hammerstein, as a friend he’s simply fine
But he isn’t my affinity
There’s only one thing I object to
In John Rockefeller, that’s his hair
But he could buy a little bunch from Paderewski
For he as a few to spare
Chorus
And then I won’t take him if he’s a doctor
Not even if I had chronic gout
No broker need come
While the market’s on the bum
No actor who says, “My lord’s without”
I’d not be the wife of a lawyer
In fights you have never got a show
Of them all I think a baker is the best man
For he is a man with dough