words & music by Tom Lehrer
Sheet Music
Lyrics
Though you might wish this chordate
Instead of mine were your date,
You haven’t got a chance, its plain to see,
For nothing is more alien
To this marvelous mammalian
Than affection shown to anyone but me.
Oh, her eyes are blue
And they’re oxybleptic too
She’s endothermic, and that suits me fine.
That eurypellic, orthorachic
Brachydontic, stenomeric,
Bathycolpian, leiodermatous
Callipygian, platyhieric,
Ectomorphic, rufipilous, leptorrhinian
Metriocephalic little gal of mine.
[Note: This song was prompted by the observation that all love
songs that actually describe any physical aspect of the beloved
limit their compliments to such things as hair, eyes, lips, hands, etc.
Physical anthropologists, on the other hand, have a whole arsenal of
descriptive adjectives at their disposal. – Tom Lehrer]